i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
