I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
