How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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