Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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