I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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