the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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