I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
