My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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