A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
