I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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