What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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