First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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