Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize