I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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