fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
my poor anus
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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