YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
