I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
