i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
