We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
