I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
