i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
