all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize