A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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