Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
