She said her name was "party"
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Four minutes until I can fart!
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize