I just pynch a tree in the face
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
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