I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
