My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
