so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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