the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
