I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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