I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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