there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
