we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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