i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
