awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
