btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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