Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
where does the pee come out of this thing
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
