totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
