my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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