My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
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