Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize