do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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