Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
