Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm bleeding and have questions
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
