Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
