hotel room ftw
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Panties = found
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
