This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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