yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
