so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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