In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
