I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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