I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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