I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
