I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
