I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Randomize