He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
