I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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