Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
