I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Every concussion has its silver lining
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
