I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize