HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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