everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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