My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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