drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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