why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
